cod fish

I've been about my life lately and wondering where I'm headed and what my plans will be when I get there.

I've decided to move to St. John's Newfoundland.

Truth be told I'm running. Running away from the things I cannot seem to change and away from things beyond my control. Maybe I'll discover in my new life that the ghosts of old will still be haunting me but for now I'd like to believe that there is a new and less complicated future waiting for me on the edge of the Atlantic. This isn't about a reinvention of myself but more about an escape from people I love and safety nets that are drowning me. And I suppose its also about believing in all the things I am capable of. I love all of my friends dearly but I feel as though I'm on a loop while they are all on straighter paths. The things that I had expected for myself have not come to fruition and sometimes I cannot bear to think of the next 5 years pondering the same frustrating scenarios. I want new frustrating scenarios. I am so tired of the incestuously murky, unrealistically narrow minded, pathetically short-sighted dating pool in which most of us are swimming. So, I'm off to marry a lighthouse keeper and live at the end of the world.

easy d

Summer is over (Thank Christ).

It was hot (mostly) and we all had a couple of laughs and got something resembling a tan so lets call a spade a spade and pack it in for this year shall we? I'm trying to salvage what is left of this pathetic year (please disregard the more blindly optimistic posts previous to this one, they were misguided and heavily influenced by desperation) and I think I'm going to just try and sleep the rest of it away. This whole year was a total scam (notice my sweeping generalizations) filled with all the typical blind hopes and grandiose dreams I seem incapable of escaping from. But now, now I have lost my rather tenuous grasp on positivity and am content to lay down in the thick ooze of resignation. Plain, boring, uneventful, desperately lonely resignation. I'd love to say all is not lost and that this small bout of negativity will soon pass and maybe it will but I'm really in no mood to entertain any more lofty optimism.

fuck.

A thousand times over.

help me.

I have been immersed in domesticity these past couple of weeks. I decided to get a handle on my gluten-free baking skills and have begun to compile a recipe book of attempts so that should the occasion arise I wouldn't be reliant on some damned box mix to get me through a birthday party or -God forbid- Christmas. This little adventure has been primarily full of benefits. My roommates and I get to eat a variety of baking like Challah, cinnamon buns, cupcakes, cheese buns, harvest cookies, rosemary-thyme bread and so on and the house always smells like a bakery. Negatives, like the effects of this recent spike in carb consumption, have yet to be seen though I think there might be a sudden renewed interest in the pilates dvds. However, while I have been busying myself in the kitchen I have found myself doing a little self-reflection.

Oh. Man.

So while up to my elbows in cookie batter I have been giving some thought to my current and, I should say perpetual, single "lifestyle". I say "lifestyle" but I really have never made the concious choice to remain single unless you count turning down various middle-aged Latino "gentlemen" who refering to me as "Mama sita" seem content to be mothered for the rest of their lives. Now, I am firmly aware that postings such as the shining example to be found at the start of this blog don't exactly create a frenzie amongst possible suitors just as I'm sure the thought of trying to date someone who will be looking for all that is wrong with you while potentially posting all of your failures and shortcomings for all your mutual friends to see isn't going to draw out the nesessary confidence needed to ask anyone out.

Tricky isn't it?

But hey, I have redeeming qualities and man am I getting good at baking. I am really just shy and neurotic and all that false bravado is just a smoke screen for my insecurities (or something like that). I'm not looking for a "guy" or a "dude" or a "bro". I want a man. So if you should know any or come across one in your daily travels then do me a solid and put in a good word for me, since I'm doing myself no favors. And then maybe when my housemates get sick of homemade bread I'll have someone else to share it with.

vampire proof

I have been eating a lot of garlic lately and since have become aware of its health benefits but I now find myself wondering if it's possible that I am consuming too much of it. It all just happened that one day I realized that I easily eat a head of roasted garlic a day. That does not include any raw garlic in things like salsa and whatnot that I maw down on quite frequently. So, too much? I can't really tell but I think I might have a slight garlicky odor to to me now. Has anyone else noticed this on me? The worst part is that I don't think I'm going to be able to curb my intake. I really, really like roasted garlic. A lot. It pretty much goes with anything you want to eat. Salad, pasta, oatmeal whatever.

hell in a hand basket

Gardening. I'm really into it and this year since I have full access to a yard I am going to really give it my all. I recently got a book on the practical side to gardening in Canada and am now in the process of earmarking pages and drawing up schematics. All I can say is that provided I can get some of the more vigorous weeds out of the garden we are going to have the choicest spot on the block. I really cannot wait for spring and all the plant buying and installing and whatnot. If anyone has any useful tips, tools or time feel free to stop by and get your hands dirty with me.

summer of george

A couple weeks ago I realized that 2009 is going to be my year. My Year people. The year that things start really turning around for me. Not that things have been all that bad in years past but this is going to be the one that is a little extra awesome. I can feel it in my heart. I need to feel it. I tell myself that it is just a coincidence that my spike in coffee intake and the rapid flutter of my heart began around the same time. So to jump start 2009 I put myself on lock down. From now until sometime in May or possibly even June I will be spending every evening at home getting acquainted with new books and planning the summer garden. I am doing this in an attempt to get the recklessness of my early twenties under control by means of paying off debts and allowing my liver time to recover for the summer.

This is so far working out pretty well since I work everyday and live with four friends whose company will inevitably see me through this somewhat delicate antisocial undertaking. So, should you want to get together to make a pie or have tea or just shoot the shit, come on over. We can watch movies or start building plots for the vegetable garden or rebuild the tree fort. Its going to be a great year.