It's all happening

Well, it has been a while hasn't it? At this point I am assuming that in fact not one person is actually reading this blog but since I noticed a rather dubious looking character in an unmarked truck with a Cable company ladder strapped to the roof I have unhooked my stolen cable and am now seriously suspecting the neighbours of tattling on us like the bitchy clowns they are.

And "us" you say? Here I casually roll into the biggest event in my life thus far, I now have a second and most certainly better half. He is in fact so much better that we are getting married. Now when I say married I actually mean that he asked me to go for it with him and I said yes and it turns out he wasn't even joking and neither was I. June 4th, 2011, not 20001 like I kept writing on the invitations. Things are actually happening and not in that fantasy way but that real, for sure, money has been spent kinda way. Hallelujah! I'm pleased as punch and then some. I'm hoping it's quite some time before he realizes I probably have more than a few loose screws. Many more in fact than he already knows about. Christ I love him.

cod fish

I've been about my life lately and wondering where I'm headed and what my plans will be when I get there.

I've decided to move to St. John's Newfoundland.

Truth be told I'm running. Running away from the things I cannot seem to change and away from things beyond my control. Maybe I'll discover in my new life that the ghosts of old will still be haunting me but for now I'd like to believe that there is a new and less complicated future waiting for me on the edge of the Atlantic. This isn't about a reinvention of myself but more about an escape from people I love and safety nets that are drowning me. And I suppose its also about believing in all the things I am capable of. I love all of my friends dearly but I feel as though I'm on a loop while they are all on straighter paths. The things that I had expected for myself have not come to fruition and sometimes I cannot bear to think of the next 5 years pondering the same frustrating scenarios. I want new frustrating scenarios. I am so tired of the incestuously murky, unrealistically narrow minded, pathetically short-sighted dating pool in which most of us are swimming. So, I'm off to marry a lighthouse keeper and live at the end of the world.

easy d

Summer is over (Thank Christ).

It was hot (mostly) and we all had a couple of laughs and got something resembling a tan so lets call a spade a spade and pack it in for this year shall we? I'm trying to salvage what is left of this pathetic year (please disregard the more blindly optimistic posts previous to this one, they were misguided and heavily influenced by desperation) and I think I'm going to just try and sleep the rest of it away. This whole year was a total scam (notice my sweeping generalizations) filled with all the typical blind hopes and grandiose dreams I seem incapable of escaping from. But now, now I have lost my rather tenuous grasp on positivity and am content to lay down in the thick ooze of resignation. Plain, boring, uneventful, desperately lonely resignation. I'd love to say all is not lost and that this small bout of negativity will soon pass and maybe it will but I'm really in no mood to entertain any more lofty optimism.

fuck.

A thousand times over.

help me.

I have been immersed in domesticity these past couple of weeks. I decided to get a handle on my gluten-free baking skills and have begun to compile a recipe book of attempts so that should the occasion arise I wouldn't be reliant on some damned box mix to get me through a birthday party or -God forbid- Christmas. This little adventure has been primarily full of benefits. My roommates and I get to eat a variety of baking like Challah, cinnamon buns, cupcakes, cheese buns, harvest cookies, rosemary-thyme bread and so on and the house always smells like a bakery. Negatives, like the effects of this recent spike in carb consumption, have yet to be seen though I think there might be a sudden renewed interest in the pilates dvds. However, while I have been busying myself in the kitchen I have found myself doing a little self-reflection.

Oh. Man.

So while up to my elbows in cookie batter I have been giving some thought to my current and, I should say perpetual, single "lifestyle". I say "lifestyle" but I really have never made the concious choice to remain single unless you count turning down various middle-aged Latino "gentlemen" who refering to me as "Mama sita" seem content to be mothered for the rest of their lives. Now, I am firmly aware that postings such as the shining example to be found at the start of this blog don't exactly create a frenzie amongst possible suitors just as I'm sure the thought of trying to date someone who will be looking for all that is wrong with you while potentially posting all of your failures and shortcomings for all your mutual friends to see isn't going to draw out the nesessary confidence needed to ask anyone out.

Tricky isn't it?

But hey, I have redeeming qualities and man am I getting good at baking. I am really just shy and neurotic and all that false bravado is just a smoke screen for my insecurities (or something like that). I'm not looking for a "guy" or a "dude" or a "bro". I want a man. So if you should know any or come across one in your daily travels then do me a solid and put in a good word for me, since I'm doing myself no favors. And then maybe when my housemates get sick of homemade bread I'll have someone else to share it with.

vampire proof

I have been eating a lot of garlic lately and since have become aware of its health benefits but I now find myself wondering if it's possible that I am consuming too much of it. It all just happened that one day I realized that I easily eat a head of roasted garlic a day. That does not include any raw garlic in things like salsa and whatnot that I maw down on quite frequently. So, too much? I can't really tell but I think I might have a slight garlicky odor to to me now. Has anyone else noticed this on me? The worst part is that I don't think I'm going to be able to curb my intake. I really, really like roasted garlic. A lot. It pretty much goes with anything you want to eat. Salad, pasta, oatmeal whatever.

hell in a hand basket

Gardening. I'm really into it and this year since I have full access to a yard I am going to really give it my all. I recently got a book on the practical side to gardening in Canada and am now in the process of earmarking pages and drawing up schematics. All I can say is that provided I can get some of the more vigorous weeds out of the garden we are going to have the choicest spot on the block. I really cannot wait for spring and all the plant buying and installing and whatnot. If anyone has any useful tips, tools or time feel free to stop by and get your hands dirty with me.

summer of george

A couple weeks ago I realized that 2009 is going to be my year. My Year people. The year that things start really turning around for me. Not that things have been all that bad in years past but this is going to be the one that is a little extra awesome. I can feel it in my heart. I need to feel it. I tell myself that it is just a coincidence that my spike in coffee intake and the rapid flutter of my heart began around the same time. So to jump start 2009 I put myself on lock down. From now until sometime in May or possibly even June I will be spending every evening at home getting acquainted with new books and planning the summer garden. I am doing this in an attempt to get the recklessness of my early twenties under control by means of paying off debts and allowing my liver time to recover for the summer.

This is so far working out pretty well since I work everyday and live with four friends whose company will inevitably see me through this somewhat delicate antisocial undertaking. So, should you want to get together to make a pie or have tea or just shoot the shit, come on over. We can watch movies or start building plots for the vegetable garden or rebuild the tree fort. Its going to be a great year.

the dump

So this past Sunday two of my house mates and I took spring cleaning to heart and rented ourselves a 14 foot cube van to rid our backyard of, among other things, three couches, three large puffy chairs, and curiously three past due Christmas trees. Now, you may be wondering why in the heat of March would we have three Christmas trees still hanging around our front yard for all the world to see? One of those trees was our Charlie Brown tree and I will take full responsibility for throwing it off the front porch on the 31st of December and promptly leaving it where it fell. However, one Kurtis Wilson took it upon himself to schlep the largest Christmas tree that could possibly fit into a modest middle class home, into our yard to rest along side our original tree. Then some unknown party goer added to the misadventure with a third, though drastically smaller tree.

And so there we were cramming three of everything into the ample rental truck (which will here by be known as the big rig). As it turns out if you think you got a big enough truck, you did not. That god damned tree with its trunk the diameter of a dinner plate put up quite the struggle. The three of us counting to three and heaving and hoeing until we were knee deep in pine needles just barely got the beast restrained behind the heavy van door.

After that it was off to the South Vancouver Transfer Station, just a simple drive to the bottom of Main St. You can imagine our surprise when upon arrival we were told there was some kind of spill and us and the big rig were going to have to go a little further afield. But spirits were high and we set off for The Delta Landfill soaked in optimism. There was a slight mishap regarding the directions and some very poorly labeled highway markers and we took a brief foray into Richmond. Thanks to iPhone and it's GPS capabilities we found ourselves at our destination after an hour or so. In retrospect all we really needed to do on the last leg of the journey was to follow all of the seagulls and occasional eagle to the dumping grounds.

There is a disgusting, horrifying beauty that this place embodies and I am now of the mind set that everyone must go there for themselves. Along the dirt road leading to the dumping site is a line of trees that have all taken on a blackish hue. Their bare branches have caught plastic bags and scraps of fabric that all move with the breeze lending to the image of a post-apocalyptic war zone. These garbage trees are outer worldly to say the least. Opposite the blackened forest lays the large hill of what turned out to be solely garbage. And atop every fence and light post leading to the top of the hill sat a large bald eagle. There were hundreds of birds. Plenty of seagulls to be sure but I have never seen so many eagles in all my life. Driving along the top of garbage mountain the ground was barely visible because of all the seagulls and so driving seemed more like being caught in the air and suspended by the wings of the birds passing by.

Go to the dump. Its a trip.

Green Comet

Here is some space new for anyone who may be interested. Maybe the rain will let up enough for us to have a gander.

Beginning Monday February 23, stargazers will have the opportunity to view the comet as it will be fairly easy to locate next to brilliant Saturn sometime after 10pm. With clear skies Saturn which is located in the Southern sky about halfway up from the horizon should be visible to the naked eye. Look for a cream-coloured star. The comet will hopefully remain visible for several days before the moon starts to interfere beginning February 28.

It may be necessary to use binoculars to ensure finding Comet Lulin which should be to the right of Saturn. To the naked eye, Lulin may only appear as a 'fuzzy' star. However, the timing is perfect for looking at the comet since there is no moon in the sky this week!

This is the first time that Lulin has visited the inner solar system and its first exposure to intense sunlight so surprises are possible. At its closest approach, Lulin will still be approximatly 60 million kilometres from the earth, roughly 160 times farther than the moon.

Called the “green comet,” Lulin’s colour comes from the gases that form its Jupiter-sized atmosphere. First discovered in July 2007, Lulin is the highlight comet of this astronomy season and is unique for its discovery. The comet was discovered through a collaboration between Taiwanese and Chinese astronomers.

Source: NASA

madge's vag.

Oh, V-Day. Now, I'm not talking about the Victory in Europe Day (which you can learn more about here), I'm talking about February 14th, day of the heart and chocolate. Every Valentines Day I am reminded of a very special time in a girl's life. It was the early 1990's and one Christmas I was one of many lucky pre-teens to receive New Kid's On The Block tickets. The concert date? February 15th. My BFF and I (and our Mom's) were pretty pumped for this epoch night and so got our first perfume to go along with our first concert. The fragrance? "February 14th." It came in a glass tube with a red lid and though I cannot remember the scent I remember the feeling of thinking that I was growing up. The feeling of being of some importance. Man, I wish I could recall the smell of that perfume though I'm sure it is along the lines of "Sunflower" or "Vanilla Fields".

Anyhoo, Check This Out.

the wild west.

There seems to be a surplus of peter pans and yahoos around lately.

Good grief Charlie Brown.

Good grief.

sometimes.

Sometimes you fuck up and eat too much dinner and then drink half a pitcher of rum punch in a restaurant that cranks the heat so you'll think your on holidays in Cabo or some shit.

And sometimes its a Monday when this happens.

Then when you come home to a dog who is sporting a new hair cut thanks to you and your roomate is blasting the The Stones you are stoked.

Even if Kurtis did take the Lord Of The Rings you were planning to watch when you got home.

lunacy eclipse

So February 9th is the day for the lunar eclipse. Check it out.

i'm feeling romantic

He walked through a open gate and into the garden of an aging senile woman. She could hear him coming but even in the deep recesses of her mind the glimmer of hope had gone out and she did not even recognize the soft voice he had once used to tell her all the dreams he had for them. Nor did she smell the scent of starched linen and musky aftershave that had once been her aphrodisiac. All the former light had gone out of her eyes and what was left behind was the constant welling of tears she could no longer cry. Her broken heart reflected in her cracked and failing mind, filled with thoughts of half remembered evenings at a cabin on the lake or a summer spent driving through the country for no other reason than to find the most delicious honey. Even in that quiet, wild flower garden with nothing but the birds chirping and the breeze stroking the leaves on the poplar trees, the old woman could not hear the man's desperate pleas for forgiveness. His straining voice trying to will her mind into the present. But the woman's heart had closed and she could no longer grasp at the tiny morsels of love he had come to offer. The only way that she could see to face each sunrise was to allow her mind to remember a time that was not so complicated, a time when her heart had burst wide open and was bleeding for all to see. The denial of a present reality had taken a toll however and for that tears welled in her eyes. Tears for all the lost time and for the life she had once found such delight in. It seemed, for the man, that she was suspended in her grief and that if only he could remind her of some small detail of their past love, some small token he had given her or the name of a neighbour's cat she had once fed that she would fall away from her despair and come back to him. It was this blind hope that had led him into her garden. For it was this common blindness that bound them, the woman's blind denial that this man would ever love her again and his blind refusal to believe that she was all but lost to her memories. And so theirs was a blind love that waded through time each waiting for the other to recover their sight.

things are getting kinky

So, American Apparel is now in the business of selling vibrators.

I wonder if they let you take that shit into the change room with all those sexy teenage Polaroid pictures and that smut rag also known as Vice Magazine.

its basically summer.

If you say it enough then maybe summer will come really early and we can forget about all this winter drama.

Did you only wear a sweater outside today?
Yeah, its basically summer!

Was it sunny when the forecast was rain?
Thats because its practically summer!

Did you see someone in shorts/flip flops?
Yes they looked cold but yeah, its pretty much summer!

repercussions

So, obviously this has all been a little bit overwhelming.

Coupled with the fact that some other moron woke me at 4am last week just to fall asleep in my bed and keep me awake with his drunk snoring, I am now convinced my time of celibacy will continue until the revolution.

Listen to "Seer" by Witch and think about all the things in life that get you pumped that have nothing to do with dudes.

some people are so dumb.

This is what happened to me this week.

Whitney Hall Gray:
hey there! so i was thinking that you might like to go on a bike ride with me sometime. if you don't have a bike i'm sure i could find one you could borrow.


Dude:
hhaha.. it is like you know me already. my bike/fleet of bikes is/are mostly broken missing parts. but yes we could go for a bike ride some time.

Good sugestion


Whitney Hall Gray:
so i was thinking we could bike out to 3rd beach on sunday afternoon if your free (and the weather isn't too bad). if the weather is lame maybe we could ride over to the conservatory at queen elizabeth park?

Dude:
sorry I'll be pretty busy Sunday. even tho a date sounds kinda nice.

I thought you would just want to get drunk and fuck.

Whitney Hall Gray:
i wasn't even asking for you buy me dinner, just a bike ride.

but yes

Dude:
.Eff. I was hoping i was wrong.

I wont be able to have sex with you even tho I would love to. it sounds lame but there is someone else.... and so on...

maybe next time.

Whitney Hall Gray:
ok, so I think you may have things a little bit wrong.

I thought a date would be nice.

And seeing as you gave me the impression of being single I thought you might be into it as well.

However since your not single and obviously are in need of the ego boost we can let this slide as you thinking there was nothing on my mind but fucking you.

Which for the record was the last thing I was thinking.

Dude:
sorry didn't mean to have it that way. I am always a flit with girls i like weather or not It could every happen.
I am generaly non-monogomas but fucked up and got myself in this situation which should be temporary. then if you would still be interested I would love to hang out with you... I will check my ego at the door...

Whitney Hall Gray:
thanks for thinking of me as a dinner reservation.

your an idiot.

peace.